punching bag

nobody's life is easy.
we all have our struggles.
whether they are major or minor.
sometimes you need to realise that we are all human beings.
just trying to go about living our lives.
some are better at hiding their emotions.
i don't want to be a human punching bag.
when things go wrong, don't be quick to assume that other people are at fault.
we need to take responsibility over our own actions.
sometimes the words are forgotten but the pain still remains.

unsupportive

There are many strangers in this world and we are taught to not trust strangers and that we should only trust our family.
What are you suppose to do when your own flesh and blood betrays you?
You can no longer trust that person anymore.
Little left to be said and the lines of communication are no longer open.
What are we suppose to do when that same person has belittled you?
For many years stripped your self esteem to a point where you no longer believe in yourself and your own abilities.
Where you carry on with life believing that you are a useless human being.
I no longer want to please you anymore.
I have had enough of you.
You constantly change your mind, you believe on thing today and tomorrow you will believe in the opposite.

Enough is enough.

semi confused

Do you believe in karma?
I'm not sure if I completely believe in karma at my age.
I know that both good things and bad things happen to people.
That rule also applies for what society deems as bad people as well.
I don't think I have lived long enough to witness "bad people" experience bad luck.
I have seen some people who I have grown up with, lied to their parents, cheated on their partners, bully others, do drugs and the list continues.
My understanding of karma is that if you inflict pain upon others, you too will also be subjected to pain.
I haven't seen a case where I am satisfied that somebody got treated that way because of their actions upon others.
I am simply acting as a bystander into somebody's life right now, they are currently lying to everybody, making other people's life harder, neglecting, mistreating others, shifting blame while this whole time acting so innocent.
I'm not sure if this person will get what she deserves.
Who knows, I might be wrong, maybe she is doing something to counteract her evil deeds.
I am not wishing her bad luck but if bad luck does strike her, she probably deserves it.

Is it me or it is sometimes easier to describe negative thoughts than positive thoughts?
Looking back at a lot of my past blog entries, I have often written over 200 words in regards to bad events which take place. However, I don't seem to rejoice over the good things that happen in my life.
So I am going to start now.

I am really content with my life.
I have found somebody who I completely adore.
He completely adores me manages to see pass my flaws.
He is without a doubt loyal towards me.
I can trust him with my most intimate secrets and desires.
Somebody who I can talk on the phone for hours and not lose interest.
One who I can say everything and anything to because I know he is not judging me.
Finally, somebody here to stay!
I have passed all my university subjects in the first year and second year.
I am getting one step closer to finishing my course.
Currently, on a 3 month break from studying.
Summer is approaching and I am visiting the beach regularly.
I am in good health and in good condition.
I get many hours of sleep each night.
I am currently employed in casual work and loving it.
Each week, I am not required to work long hours, thus I have enough time to study when university commences.
Planning to travel in the summer break so I don't think it gets any better than that.

There's so many good things happening in my life right now.
I am not going to let some loser attempt to take control of my happiness.
I am happy and there's nothing that loser can do about it.
There's nothing you can say or do to change it.

On a completely different note, I believe my boyfriend's laptop gives me special writing abilities. Currently typing this post using his laptop and I find myself more productive on his laptop than mine.
Maybe it's because he has a bigger screen, better keyboard and better brand.
However, the only downside is that my hand keeps touching the touchpad.
Apart from that, it's all good.

the plain simple truth

It has been a long time since I have last reflected on my life and all the lessons I have learnt out of life.
If there is anything that I have learnt in the last week; is that the truth will set you free.
In this world nobody is perfect, and that at times we lie, whether it is big lies or white lies. This also includes not telling the complete truth and editing parts of the story. Not telling the whole and complete truth is lying.

Sometimes children lie to their parents; fearing that they will be judged or to prevent their parents worrying over them. Some may believe that white lies are acceptable towards parents, however, children don't see how much pain is caused from a simple lie. Telling white lies destroys one's creditability and accountability.
From a young age, we are taught about the boy who cried wolf.
He told a small lie to gather the people's attention and after a while, people stop believing him. By the time, he told the truth nobody believed him.

At other times people chose to ignore the consequences and begin to gamble. Some people believe that they have mastered the art of deception, however, the truth is nobody ever masters the art of constantly deceiving people. Sooner or later, the truth will be revealed. As an example, the boy who cried wolf.

This week, I have witnessed many lies issued until it reached a climax.
It got to a point where a relationship breakdown was occurring.
In this case, the only thing left to do was not to continue lying but tell the truth.
To sit down with all parties involved and explain the whole truth and the complete truth.
Emotions ran wild, as the truth was being revealed.
I think that life can sometimes be ironic where people lie in an attempt to improve the situation however, their attempts fail and that their lies was making the situation worse.
I believe, when I do start having my own children, if there is one life lesson I need to teach them. It will be that "the truth will set you free".

Untitled

You are a loser.
I treated you as a friend and I was stupid to believe you were my friend.
Bloody hell, just bloody grow up and stop talking behind my back.
You demand that people don't talk to you behind your back then why would you do that to others.
Calling other people names will not boost your self esteem.
You are always acting as if you are the victim.
Grow up, people get hurt all the time but we all gather ourselves and start over.
You always say you are so tired, well you are so tired all day long because you are a bloody couch potato.
Maybe if you got up and about and do something you wouldn't feel so tired all the time.

It was a my mistake to consider you as my friend.
For all the times I stuck up for you and you simply treat me as dirt.
You are not worth my time or attention any more.

P.S you cooking sucks. I hate eating deep fried everything.

Maybe This Time

I'm silly.
I thought that maybe if I just saw you, thinks will simply just work out.
We will either fall madly in love again or the complete opposite, you will completely crush my heart and tell me in person that there's nothing left.
But, either way, it was a risk I was willingly to take.
I didn't sit around, listening to break up songs and holding onto hope if it does not exist.

While I was busy organizing the trip, suddenly reality kicked in.

You don't need me around anymore, you only spoke to me during your difficult times last year because your girlfriend at that time rejected you.
Overnight, I simply became the rebound girl.
I was there for you when you felt like crying and wanted somebody to talk to.
You said you wanted to cut her out of your life and I was silly enough to believe you.
Almost 1 year since you two first went out an attempt was made to keep in contact.
Maybe that's why you have lost interest in me because now she's back into your life.
Now this way you can spend more time on "other commitments" and I sure as hell know that those "other commitments" don't include me.

I really wish things could work out to a point where I was just fooling myself.
Maybe, you already knew that there's no future ahead for us.
I'm sorry for placing you in an uncomfortable position.
I now know that there's no place for me in your world and I will slowly fade away.

Last Day On Earth

What would you do if today was the last day on earth?

Would you spend every waking moment doing things you have always wanted to do?

Or would you spend your time, preparing your final words or your will.

If today was my last day on earth, I would gather all my family and friends and throw a massive party. First we’ll enjoy a nice drink, cheesecake and Lindt chocolate at the Lindt café, sharing my silly moments.

In the afternoon, we’ll visit an all you can eat place that serves Korean, Japanese, Italian, Vietnamese and Greek food. I would demand that everybody try a slice of raw salmon and drink bubble tea.

After lunch, I would screen clips of my favourite movie and television show and play games of laser tag. After all the fun activities, for dinner, we’ll have a BBQ and Hotpot. Now it’s time to pull out the vodka. For desserts, we’ll have MANY different flavours of ICE CREAM.

After dinner, we’ll start with a speech on how I lived and loved to be remembered. I will welcome everybody to write down one thing they loved about me, miss about me and their favourite moment with me in a leather bounded book and to be taken care of by the love of my life.

Before the end, I will excuse myself from the centre of attention and spend the last moment with the love of my life.
I will tell him, I have loved him from the day we fell in love until the end of my time. I wish him good luck with the rest of his life and remind him that I will always be by his side.