epic fail

Fuck you,
For many years of my life you have neglected me. I walked this path alone.
Along the way, you have insulted with your harsh words, you never encouraged me and never believed in me. You made me believe that I was a pathetic piece of shit on the side of the road. I believe it so, to the extent I wanted to move away from everything and end everything. I have no self esteem, I believed that I had no strengths and I only had possessed weakness.
I always thought that nothing good will ever come my way.

Whenever I made a slight achievement, you would always find ways to slander it, you would always say that you're not that special and it's not that hard to achieve or you would compare to others.

I know that I am a disappointment, I never achieved extremely high results at school.
I know I am not the prettiest girl; not the slimmist and I don't have perfect skin.
But I never took drugs, I never binge drink.
I don't ask you for money and I work part time to support my own personal spending.
But why must you still believe that I am a disappointment?
Am I that pathetic? That I don't realise I'm that pathetic.
If I am, tell me how to change.
I thought I was immune to your constant insults but I'm not. It still cuts me on the inside.

I will promise you that one day, I'll make a great contribution to this society.
I'll move out into the big wide world and make myself useful.
I promise I won't do anything to disappoint you anymore.
I'm sorry for being the biggest disappointment in your life.

Buttermilk Pancakes!

I just finished my exams and I decided to do something useful with my time.
I got up at 7 am in the morning just to make BUTTERMILK PANCAKES!
I followed taste.com.au buttermilk pancakes minus the strawberries.

Ingredients
1/2 cup of caster sugar
1/2 cup of bicarbonate soda
2 cup of self raising flour
600 ml of buttermilk
2 eggs

List of Numbers I Reject

Here's a list of numbers I reject from my mobile as they are telemarketing.
Everytime a telemarketer calls me on my mobile, I save their number so I remember to reject them next time they call.

0888 888
02 8217 1579
02 8217 1570
02 8217 1566
07 5512 1013

Unbeautiful

Recently I have been spending more time away from home.
As my social network begins to expand, I begin to feel less pretty.
I am friends with some of the most gorgeous ladies.
In return, I begin to feel like the ugly duckling.
These day, I am spending less time thinking about what clothes to wear and less time clothes shopping.
Why the change?
Now, it's approaching the stage where I would ask my sisters to match my clothes for me. I feel like a loser. '(
These days all I wear are jeans and a plain T-shirt.
Maybe I'm spending too much time hanging around boys at uni.. maybe I am starting to act like one. ='(


Sometimes, we see pictures of people we know of facebook and they look absolutely flawless. Sadly, majority of them wear make up.
Everyday, I wake up and I don't apply make up because it feels unnatural.
I rather look like an ugly duckling then apply make up.
Is it shallow to think that make up is an essential for being beautiful?
Why can't one look beautiful without wearing make up?

What's the moral of the story?
It's time for a SHOPPING SPREE!

Chocolate Sandwich

I am sure I have again 5 kg this week.
I bought a packet of chocolate melts/ buttons and I have been using it to make chocolate sandwich.
Here's my recipe

1. Toast the sandwich
2. Cover the sandwich with chocolate melts
3. Microwave the sandwich for 30-50 seconds.

I love it because it's so simple and easy!

Job Hunting

I am working at a cafe and my employer is currently underpaying me.
My employer pays all employees in cash and hence, avoid paying tax.
I have provided my employer with my tax details over a month ago and I am still not on the payroll.

Hence, I am in the search of a new job.
I have applied for a local cafe near my university and now I am going to apply for my local grocery store.
I just feel as if all my friends have better jobs compared to me.
I feel as if I am working and running around like a dog and I am receiving bacon fat.
='(
I feel depressed right now. I'm going to eat chocolate now.
I hope everything works out for me.

My Writing

I wrote many excerpts during high school, the days of dreaming , heartaches and tears. I felt as if I was in an everlasting nightmare seeking to escape. I wrote in order to escape reality and afterwards I would feel relax and I could tackle the world once more. I know I’m not a good writer which is evident in all the mistakes in my writing. However, my aim isn’t to become an author or journalist, I write to express my most intimate feelings from the bottom of my heart which is quite difficult. I have closed my heart from the world for a long time and writing is encouraging me to speak from my heart. When I have a heart to heart conversation where I voice my inner feelings, tears stream from my eyes. It’s an area which I rarely access and share with anybody in this world. I have closed off my heart fearing if I expose my heart to the world inevitably somebody would shatter my heart.