Morning Tears

Status: Tired and a bit emotional. Ate breakfast, first time in ages.
Song: Dai Wo Zou by Rainie Yang
Note: Sorry, if this isn't punctuated. I'm aware this will drive some insane.

Blog Entry:

Last night, got off the phone and I've calm down a fair bit.
Couldn't sleep
Every time, I walk. I walk alone.
I love you and you say I hate you that cuts my heart.
If loving you is such a pain then I'll stop showing it.
Perhaps, you may want to stop loving me.

I'm so used to not depending on people.
I've grown used to solving problems myself.
I knew from the very beginning this will be hard.
This was an opportunity to allow myself to rely on somebody
to let go of my fears.
I took this opportunity not to challenge myself,
to allow myself to love and be loved.

I've love you a lot and many times more then myself.
I can trust you on somethings however, I can't completely trust you.
I've trust you more then anybody in this solar system.
Perhaps, you don't know.
I'm sorry for making it seem as if I don't trust you.

Every time, somebody told me to trust them.
As stupid as I am, I do trust them and I've always end up paying the price.
I fear, perhaps this time I won't lose a part of me; I'll lose myself completely.

Your words have affected me deeply.
I have a horrible memory however, your words simply stick into my head.
I value your words the most.

There's a lot of things I can tell you about myself.
I guess, you won't be interested now.
I'm sorry for all the disagreements.
I'm sorry for not being good enough.
I'm sorry for all the times, I got mad.
I'm sorry for all the times, you wish you were somewhere else.
I'm sorry for making this hard for you.
I'm sorry for lying about Andrew.
I'm sorry for all the times, I've kept you up.
I'm sorry for not being nice enough.
I'm sorry for all the times, I don't trust you.
I'm sorry for all the times I got jealous.

My biggest regrets have been...
I'm sorry for telling you that I loved you.
I'm sorry for loving you and putting you through pain.